water pumps and dresser drawers

I sure do wish things would quit breaking. Broken car, broken husband, broken me...goodness! I went to have a recall fixed on my ______ (can you guess? can you guess??? yes...Toyota) and dogonit wouldn't you know that there were other things wrong with it as well. Listen Mr. Mechanic guy....I know how this works. I bet this is how your morning meeting went the day Toyota decided to issue yet another recall:

"Good morning! Well, we have another recall being issued from the big guys and the letters will start going out next week. As you all know, we make zero dollars on recall fixes, so we need to up-sell up-sell up-sell!! When one of our customers brings their car in for a new ECM, be sure to mention other things that their car needs. For blue cars, let's tell 'em they need their transmission flushed...for green ones...hmm..I know! A new water pump!! And let's charge them $100 more than it should cost. Okay guys? We really have to bring in some revenue...with what's happening in Japan and all of these recalls...we're screwed."

And in walks unsuspecting me...With my MAT study guide and water bottle. The mechanic head guy approaches me because he wants to 'show' me something in the garage area. I'm secretly hoping everyone thinks the 'MAT' on my book stands for Mechanics and Things and that I totally know all about cars.
Him-'I want to show you something on your car.'

Me-(of course you do)
Him-'You see the water pump here?'
Me-Yeah (um not really)
Him-'That pink there-that's anti-freeze. Your water pump is leaking'
Me-Oh, hmm. (I thought anti-freeze was green)
Him-'That could be really bad once it gives out. It will ruin your engine.'
Me- (no shit dude-I know what a water pump is...kinda. it pumps water. duuuh.) Okay.
Him-'It could leave you stranded on the side of the road.'
Me-(oh lord scare tactics?! really?? like I haven't been stranded on the side of the road before...**)
       How much do you guys charge for a new water pump?
Him-'I'll get you a quote'
Me-Great, thanks. (go right ahead, I am not paying your insane prices.)

I walked right out of there with my Mechanics and Things Miller's Analogy Test book and drove my broken car away. My mechanic will do it for $150 less.

I did intervals on the bike at the gym...and besides the popping and cracking (hmmm) I think it made my knee better. After one of the PTs called me out for leaving the gym after only 30 minutes, I told him about my knee...he looked puzzled and asked, 'Weren't you in physical therapy for you hip?'...why yes, yes I was. I amaze myself as well....
but he showed me an exercise to get the fluid out of my knee and it feels a lot better.

** times I have been stranded on the side of the road due to my car:
1. when I fell asleep driving, hit the cement divider on I-40, busted my tire, and ended up on the side of the highway in the pouring rain.
2. when I swerved to avoid a dresser drawer on I-40 (YES, a DRESSER DRAWER), over-corrected, and landed on a small tree on the side of the interstate.
3. When, at 3am, I was with two friends merging onto I-40 (see a trend here??) and  said "gosh I really hate those 'Wrong Way' signs, they always confu-OH MY GOD!!!! (this is way before OMG) I'M GOING THE WRONG WAY!!" and then ran my car into a ditch..a very deep ditch.
4. The multiple times my old car overheated.

butterflies.

I have some major butterflies going on in my stomach. There could be some vomiting going on shortly. My husband has a very scary doctor's appointment on Tuesday...they're throwing the word 'biopsy' around. I personally feel they should reserve that word for face-to-face conversation-not the phone. I'm trying to keep my sanity and be supportive. Trying to focus on my exam Monday and get through that before I worry about Tuesday. I can't seem to take a deep enough breath.

I'm going to get back to the gym today-I have let my knee rest for a few days, so I'm going to just stick to the bike and see how that works and if it makes it worse. I love that while trying to get my hip back to 100% I injure other things in the process...going to go chill at the Toyota dealership for yet another recall and get some studying in. Just hoping there isn't that one super annoying person in the waiting room on his or her phone talking so everyone can hear. The way I feel today....I just may go crazy on them.

the countdown begins...

I have one week to study for my grad school entrance exam. One week. I'm pretty nervous. I HATE multiple choice tests! I'd take an essay exam over a multiple choice exam any day. My confidence level is not too high right now...

The husband and I started our 'new adventure' yesterday morning. It was less than successful. I think we're going to attempt it again next Saturday and hope for more luck (and for a certain wife to be a little more patient).
And I need to thank the weather for looking as if it's pretty much going to suck this week. Rain and cold will definitely deter me from wanting to jog. I have got to rest for a few days. My  knees, my foot, my hip...my everything hurts. Rain and cold just in time to keep my head in my study book and my feet off of the pavement. I'm banning myself from facebook this week. Once I sign onto facebook, it all goes downhill. I'll find twelve articles I want to read, photos I want to look at, blog links I want to check out, and before I know it, there goes 2 hours. No time for that this week! And thanks to hairstylist extraordinaire Bonnie, I have a pump to inflate my physio ball back up with (and no more roots), which is a lot easier on my body than jogging.  And I just might hit the road this week to go home and visit my grandmother for her birthday. So on my to-do list for the week:

1. Move from the green theraband to the blue for PT exercises
2. No jogging, no gym for a few days
3. Ice Ice Ice
4. Study Study Study
5. Facebook blackout
6. Try to visit grandmother
7. Job hunting

I'm not even going to attempt to rate pain right now. Everything hurts! OH and I remembered that word I couldn't think of when I was writing about the bad doctor's visit-synovitis.

the day of the slug

Today was one of those sluggish days. I went to the gym, hoping that would make me feel less sluggish. It didn't work. It made everything more difficult. Besides the sluggishness, I still think I'm doing really well, despite the whole doctors appointment earlier this week. I know things are much better and I just have to remember that. I even got back on the old elliptical when I was at the gym. Evil, evil elliptical. And then I came home and fell asleep on my MAT study guide, again.

Sam has made it very clear to me that he would like to go out and enjoy the weather. He just stares out of the window for hours. Hopefully we're going to do that tomorrow before the rainy weekend starts. Last summer I taught him how to drink out of a water bottle without touching it with his tongue, so when we were on walks, we could share the water. Now, whenever I pick up my water bottle to go anywhere, he gets all full of himself because he thinks he's coming along.
There's a lot going on this weekend. I have to get my car worked on...one of two times since it also has another recall...and my husband and I are going to get up butt-early to start a new adventure** together...one that I suspect will last all of....one day. Any 'adventure' that requires him to wake up before sunrise on a Saturday is bound to be short lived. But we'll see.....

Spring! And lots of sneezing!

 **please note, the word 'adventure' is used loosely. Small things excite me nowadays.

Pooped Pup

Sammy is super duper tired after our jog. Felt pretty good today, pain is very minimal now and before the jog, pain was zero. Along with my lovely Monday of crap news, I also received lab results saying my vitamin D level is 'pretty low'. I take vitamin D and calcium every night, so I was pretty surprised by that. Now I have to take prescription synthetic vitamin D (D2) twice a week for 12 weeks. I can remember daily, but twice a week seems kinda hard. I decided that being told my D is low meant I needed to spend some time in the sun, but the sun never came out while we were at the park. I also decided it means I'm old. I'd like to lay down with this cutie pie but I really, really need to study. I'm gonna blow this dang MAT, I just know it.

bi-polar day

Today started out just fine. Headed to the doctor for my check up today. We were going to explore the whole botox shot thing for my iliopsoas pain...but for some reason, my appointment took a strange turn. He checked out my range of motion and strength for my hip and then did some poking and prodding. Hip is good. Some pain-yes. But good and strong. He pushed a place in my pelvic crest -which in turn cause me to slap him away. He's the second doctor I've hit, and is in good company with 2 surgeons ("tell hit me when it hurts"). His face immediately went from normal to concerned...and so I was like.."umm what? What does that mean?"
Apparently that look, that pain, and that slap meant my pain might not just be muscle pain from my iliopsoas. His push was much too superficial to have caused iliopsoas pain, which is closer to the spine than stomach. Here we go again....
He said it could be that some of my nerves are entrapped in scar tissue again. He reminds me that when he pushed there the first time he met me, I had the same reaction. He said other stuff that I can't recall right now. My next series of questions were pretty obvious. Why?! How? How is it all tied in? One injury did all of this?!?  I know that isn't a fair question, but his best guess is this:
Inflammation and tear in my hip happened first. There is a real word for it that starts with an 's' that I can't remember right now. Anyways, that caused some secondary issues that are now their own issues. It caused the tear, nerve damage, scar tissue found in the Dec 09 surgery..and it caused this issue as well.
We're giving it 8 weeks to see if it improves before we do anything else. The 'else' being injections/ultra sound. I just have to believe that I'm going to feel great in 8 weeks and none of this will matter then.

Tried jogging Friday, which went pretty well. Sam did awesome and is such great company. My hip was sore afterward as was my iliopsoas/mystery pain. I was pretty happy about it. Today I was back in the PT gym, had some nice, encouraging words from someone which I really needed...since I went to the gym straight from the doctor. Started back doing interval training again. This time on the bike, not the elliptical like I did this past summer. I'm so mad at the elliptical right now I didn't even step foot on it today. I'm almost as mad at it as I am at that pain the doctor pushed today. Damn it all.

I'm going to cuddle up with Sammy, who doesn't mind that I'm stinky from the gym, and try to stay positive. (aka cry a lot)

realizations

Finishing up week 11 since surgery, here are a few things I just sorta realized I'm doing now that I wasn't able to before...

1. shaving my legs,  which did not work well at three weeks post-op. 
2. getting stuff off of the bottom pantry shelf.
3. walking Sammy without pain.
4. walking up small hills successfully.
5. cardio for 30 minutes.
6. walking with 20 lbs of resistance weights against my hip.
7. laundry without issues
8. unloading the dishwasher without issues.

Unfortunately, the vacuuming that I did today was slightly less successful. The vacuuming was successful, but my pain level wasn't. I mean, I did it, and even got slightly distracted and took the vacuum apart to clean it. But I'm sore. I was still able to do PT tonight. I'm hoping to wake up tomorrow feeling better so I can get to the gym. I'm supposed to add some harder stuff to my home PT during week 12-15, which is coming quickly! My iliopsoas is giving me trouble-again. I have a 12 week check up with my doc next week, and will probably explore the option of a botox shot in the muscle. I kinda just want to see the endurance of my hip without the pain of my iliopsoas kicking in. I went to the 'other' doctor this week who somewhat happily announced to me that I have cysts on my ovaries and asked if they bothered me. They're on my right side, along with the pain from hip surgery, numbness-fades-to-sunburn feeling from the first surgery, and iliopsoas pain. I'm pretty sure if they were bothering me, I wouldn't notice. Something is defective with that side of my body. My right kidney is the one with stones and always has been, right hip labral tear and damage, right side stomach muscle tear, the right side is where the surgeon had to repair nerve damage and remove scar tissue from my stomach, I broke my right foot, and whenever I have a headache it's on the right side. I'm pretty sure my left side points at my right side and says nanny-nanny-boo-boo quite often. If I was the left side, I would.

So far so good!

Day 3 of being on my own at the gym and things are going well! Bicycling, elliptical-ing, treadmill-ing forward and backward (talented, huh?), and doing weights. I get home, stretch, and ice, and pretty much feel fine. The elliptical is definitely the hardest part so far, it hurts my hip some, but not much. Hope things keep going well. I'm supposed to work up being able to do the home routine, 30-45 minutes of cardio, and weights all in one day. I can't do all of that yet, or else I'm out of commission for 2-3 days which defeats the purpose. So that's the goal for now. Pain is a 0/0 and I just got home from the gym.

This weekend was fun, and luckily there was enough alcohol provided to blur out the pain I was in. My mom and I walked in the park with Sammy with the husband and my dad played disc golf. Walking was fine, we didn't walk long and there weren't hills. But then I stood for way to long afterward while at the awesome surprise party we had for my friend. She was surprised-we ate, we drank, and we were merry. I brought my camera and then totally left it in my friend's closet during the party, and never took a single photo...
Family, friends, seeing my favorite baby girl, and fun times for Sam. At the disc golf park, frisbees were flying all over the place and he just couldn't handle it. He wanted to run after each one-it was hilarious. The days are longer now, and sun = endorphins!

Animal lovers, or just plain normal people...

..who know it isn't okay to shoot innocent dogs in their head as a form of euthanasia. Please sign this petition and spread the word. Don't know about the story yet? Well, in a nut shell, some crazy people at an animal shelter in S.C. decided it was okay to take dogs into a field and shoot them in the head to decrease their shelter population. The shelter sure was cleared out, since that's how local volunteers who came to save dogs who were close to being euthanize noticed something was wrong. One commented that there sure were a lot fewer dogs than they had expected and ask if a large amount had recently been euthanized. One of the workers explained they had 'been taken across the street.' The volunteers were shocked, curious, so they went across the street to the landfill and found horror. Dogs with gunshots in their head. Bones, fur. And to think, they had come to save some and find some foster and forever homes. And the guy in charge? Sheriff Parker. What a JOKE! He has no answers, knows nothing, it isn't his fault. He doesn't even know how the workers got their hands on guns. Please sign!!!
More info:
MSN
GRAPHIC!! so I've been told. I haven't looked. And won't.
WSOC TV local news story
Fox Charlotte's Morgan Fogarty interviews Sheriff Parker

Neurosis:

a class of functional mental disorders involving distress but neither delusions nor hallucinations whereby behavior is not outside socially acceptable norms. (no longer recognized by the APA).

No longer recognized because so many people have it? Being neurotic is kinda like those awful commercials where people wind up little toy soldiers of themselves and watch as they march down the picnic table while staring at them with with a creepy yet satisfied look on their face. Except-instead of marching toy soldier style-legs and arms flail around and as the head spins, pureed green peas spew about while Martika plays in the background. (sorry if I just busted your bubble over that Eminem song).

I have to stay busy. Free time is not my friend. Healing seems to interfere with that. On another note, I think I found the perfect job for me. Except at the bottom where it says: "Physically able to perform such functions as lifting, twisting, carrying, bending, stooping, pushing and pulling." dang.
 ppphhhtttt.

I think I've outdone myself.

I went to my PT gym orientation Monday and was given my at home plan and in gym plan. I did my at home plan last night, which seems a lot more difficult now than the one I was doing before. I had planned on cardio today...but uhhh...not happening. I HURT. I definitely outdid myself and I'm paying for it today. My PT always says to listen to my tissues. In other words, learn the difference between muscle pain and tissue pain and tissue pain means to take it easy. And this is tissue pain. Kind of bums me out because I though Sam and I were going to enjoy the weather after such a rainy weekend. I need to go by the store, and I hurt so badly that I mapped out different store possibilities in my head to figure out which one would take the least amount of steps to get to what I need. I think Petco won. I haven't rated pain in a while but my iliopsoas has been on and off and is about a 4 right now-thank goodness-because my hip is about a 7. Which kinda ruins my day. Hmph.

In keeping tradition with my recently depressing posts, today is the 15th anniversary of the death of my cousin John. When I was young, he was my hero. I would pretend he was my older brother, because I always wanted an older brother and he fit the profile perfectly. He was protective of me but still teased me on a regular basis, he would hang out with me as long as there was nothing better to do or someone cooler to hang out with, he thought my love of NKOTB was hilarious and never let me forget it, and every time I would end up in the deep end of the pool and pretend I couldn't swim, he would 'save' me, knowing I just wanted his attention. There was a pretty big age difference between us. Some of my memories of him are pretty specific and vivid. One Easter he came to our annual neighborhood Easter egg hunt and party. I was so excited he was there-but when we got there, one of the older and cooler neighbor guys was there and the two of them hung out. I was officially ousted. It crushed me. I was so angry and felt so abandoned, I tried to explain to my parents that he was my friend and he was here to play with me. In retrospect, that exact instance should have been a lesson in dealing with my younger sister, since I did the exact same thing to her...constantly. Sorry sis. Another time, I was about 10 I think, and listening to a cassette tape of Phil Collins. Because at 10 years old, I liked Genesis just as much as I do now. He totally made fun of me. That crushed me too (dang, is that how it feels to be a younger sibling??) 
I remember the phone call the evening of March 7 fifteen years ago. I was laying on the couch in the living room, not doing my reading that I was supposed to do for my 8th grade English class. There was a weird answering machine message left by my dad's mother. It was panicky, strange. Then my mom was on the phone. Her voice was different. That's the tell-tale sign something is bad....my mom's voice. She'd deny it, but it's true. I knew something was wrong. I tried to listen harder. Then, she called my dad. He was at work. He must have noticed 'the voice' as well, because all she told him was 'you need to come home.' I think somewhere in there she assured him we were all okay, but she would not specify why he needed to come home. I didn't understand that for a long time. My mom explained to me later that she didn't want him driving home in a panic, so she didn't tell him what was wrong. She sat down beside me and gave away her other tell-tale sign....her smile. My mom usually has a sincere smile, one that exudes warmth. Then there's her smile that I think is meant to hide what is really going on. Maybe she can't control it and it's a nervous reaction, or maybe it is meant to be some kind of comfort in a bad situation. Either way, something really bad was about to be said. John's step-dad had come home and found him shot.
-What? That doesn't make any sense. Who would shoot John?!
My mom said she didn't know any details. John and I had grown apart. I guess the whole family kind of had. I didn't know what he was into, why he would be found shot in his house. I didn't know what was going on in his life. I had heard talk of him having a hard time, but he was a teenager. That's pretty much the definition of a hard time. Sometime later I either was told or overheard that he had shot himself.
-That makes even less sense. Why would he do that? What about me? Didn't he think that he would miss me?

I took it extremely personally. In my 14 year old brain, it was hurtful that he would be so arrogant as to leave us. What about his mom? What about Christmas? I was mad. Shallow thoughts of a middle school kid. Of course I understand things better now. I know that at the age of 19, whatever was going through his head was exaggerated about 100%. I understand the mindset as much as I can without being in that mindset. I understand the psyche of a teenager, both from being there and from studying it.

I went in my room and started reading the chapter I was assigned for class. I was confused, angry, sad. I waited for my dad to get home. I wrote in my journal that Ms. Bahwa made us keep. I needed to explain that I didn't finish the reading and why. I went to school the next day. My parents thought that would be best. They had a lot of stuff to help with and needed me to not be at home dwelling on what had happened, asking questions no one could answer. People asked what was wrong. Holding back tears for an entire school day was exhausting. I didn't want to tell people what was wrong. My best friend who sat beside me in class was getting angry. Something was wrong and I wouldn't tell her. I couldn't-I would cry. I couldn't speak at all that day. I passed her my journal entry so she could understand. I don't know how I made it through that day. I remember once I got to science class, the only class with a phone, I had asked Mr.Barnard if I could call my parents. He gave me same BS runaround as usual, badgering me about why I needed to use it. I didn't want to tell him. I busted out crying. He let me use the phone. My parents pleaded with me to make it through the rest of the day. Neither of them were able to come get me from school. I made it through. The rest is a complete blur up until the funeral. It's another heavy heart day, especially for my aunt.

heavy heart.

A dear friend of mine lost her dog tragically earlier this week. Ever since then I've been struggling with what to say. What can you say? Not much. I'm currently studying for the MAT in hopes of getting into a masters in counseling program. Thank God I won't be counseling friends. I take that back-I think that I can and am helpful if someone comes to me with an issue. Just not this issue. The most important thing (I think) about helping someone through something tragic is to empathize with them. Well, I don't want to empathize with that. I don't want to even think about it. Honestly, if it was a child she lost, I could help her get through it better, or at least feel more confident about it. Simply because I don't have a child or the emotions that go along with one. I do have a dog. One I'm neurotically attached to. And when I first heard about it, I cried. Both from the idea of what had happened and from sheer fear that I simply could not make her feel any better. The only thing that will is time. And time goes by damn slowly during pain. Since I have known her, she has lost 3 dogs. Awful. I've been keeping up with her through mutual friends, making sure she's okay. The word 'okay' is used very loosely here, mind you. I basically mean I've been checking to see if she's functioning. She is. But it must be so hard. I've talked to her too, but don't want to be the constant reminder of what happened by badgering her about it. I'm going to see her tomorrow. I have this fear that as soon as I see her face I'm going to burst out crying which is just no good. That's not helpful. That's the direct opposite of helpful. Ugh lets hope I don't make her feel worse. Hug your pets and make sure they know they're loved. I know Harley knew he was loved. She gave him a great life. And that's all we can hope to do.

Car rides to the big city...

Sam and I went to pick up the husband from work yesterday. Car rides have always been..a touchy subject with Sam. He used to cower in the floorboard of the passenger seat, stuffing his head in any hole or nook he could find, even if that meant getting his head stuck under seat. He would vibrate uncontrollably and just simply FREAK OUT because it was totally the end of the world. Finally, one day I grew a set and said "NO MORE!"...no more crazy neurotic car dog. I forced him in his doggy seat belt (yes, I said 'doggy seat belt". If you wish to question my choice of having a seat belt for my dog, please refer to the beginning of this post and then kiss my rear. Everyone should have their dog secured when driving...whether or not said dog gets his head stuck under the car seat or not. Not convinced? See the end of this post).
Now he still vibrates, but only for the first 5-10 minutes of the ride and if the engine revs loudly or a loud truck goes by. Otherwise, he loves his new view from the seat. Much nicer than the one from the floorboard. He does not do open windows though...way too much uncertainty there.

PT gym intro is rescheduled for Friday! Driving 65 miles to pick up the husband from work caused some pain in the top of my leg. Pretty much the only thing still giving me trouble directly related to hip surgery, unless I stand for too long. Now if everyone could just stay well....husband is taking his turn at being sick this week. I hope that ends soon.

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So you say your dog doesn't get his or her head stuck under your car seat...so why do you need a harness or seat belt?


1. does your dog jump everywhere while you're trying to stay in your lane on the road? you need one.

2. does your dog try to stick his or her entire body out of the car window? you need one.

3. what if you got in an accident and poor fluffy was thrown about the car and hurt? or into the windshield? what if during a wreck your unsecured dog ran out of the car in a panic, possibly hurt, or right into traffic?

4. do you love your dog? you need one.